* (not otherwise specified)
Hi, I’m Mark. This site documents my thoughts and actions as I define my queer identity.
You are not expected to understand this. I barely do.
You can email me at queernos@queernos.lgbt. Please don’t be an ass.
This page is going public today. I’m ready for this to be known.
I don’t feel the need to make a dramatic “coming out of the closet” statement or anything. The right people either already know or will find out. The rest, I don’t care about.
I’m here, I’m queer, etc.
I’ve known for some time that I am not 100% straight.
In my early 20s, I thought I was gay. After thinking that for several months, I evolved towards thinking I was bi. I kept that mindset for a few more years, and then found myself more attracted to women. (I am AMAB.)
Yet I never again defined myself as only “a straight man.” I was “straight enough” that I married a woman and we stayed married until her death. But I didn’t marry the gay away, so to speak.
I’ve come to the realization over the past few years of where I am. I’m queer, and I don’t care to define it much more than that right now.
As for which genders I’m attracted to, right now, I’d say none of them. That would make me asexual to some. I don’t object to that, but neither do I feel truly ace in my soul. I am attracted to minds, hearts, and bodies, but not necessarily to particular genitals (or any other expression of gender.)
I am male. I have no feelings of being female or any desire to become female. I’m pretty confident of that. But just because I have a penis doesn’t mean I want to stick it in anyone, of any gender. Not that desiring sex with a particular gender defines you or anything. But if you asked me how I feel about not having sex lately, I’m pretty OK with it.
This is all pretty complicated, but I know I’m not unusual in a modern interpretation of sexuality and gender. I’m still figuring it out, and maybe I never will completely understand.
Hence, “queer, not otherwise specified.” I like it. It serves as a helpful label and a rejection of labels at the same time. “Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself. I am large, I contain multitudes.”
More to come.